November 29, 2006
Half Empty
The Brady Bunch - "The Not-so-Ugly Duckling"
First aired: November 20, 1970 on ABC
Recently aired: November 11, 2006 on TV Land
Written by: Paul West
Directed by: Irving Moore
I need but type only two words to convey the youthful angst of the middle Brady daughter: George Glass. Seriously, how desperate for validation from your own family do you have to be to invent a boyfriend? It's one thing to create a fictional beau at a slumber party so your friends won't think you're a loser, but does any twelve-year-old kid really think she'll be diminished in the eyes of Mom and Dad because she's not part of a couple? The family issues presented here would make Dr. Phil throw up his hands and say "Ah give up!"
Jan loves Clark Tyson, but one look at Marcia and he forgets Jan is even in the room (oh sure, Clark. Like you have a shot with a fourteen-year-old). After accusing Marcia of trying to steal Clark, Jan convinces herself that she's too ugly have a boyfriend. When Mike and Carol try to comfort her ("You shouldn't feel left out because you don't have a boyfriend." "Sure, you'll have lots of boyfriends!"), she cuts them off and offers up the imaginary George Glass. On second thought, maybe she's not seeking their validation; maybe she she's lying to them about George in order to put an end to their endless stream of platitudes.
Rather than let Jan work through her funk by herself, the Bradys indulge the hell out of her. Alice suggests they give her her birthday presents early. Better yet, says Mike, let's throw her a party! Yes, there's a good life lesson: whenever you're in a bad mood, get your loved ones to hire a caterer and a deejay.
Trying to get to the bottom of Jan's problems, which from what I can tell, would rival most archaeological digs, Carol plies Clark with ice cream for information about Jan's appeal, or lack thereof, to twelve-year-old males. He tells her that "Jan is a good guy." When informed that Jan is actually female, he responds that she doesn't "wear groovy clothes and stuff like that." So when Carol trots out Jan in a dress, he takes notice. Hold on a sec, I need rewind to the part where Marcia walks in on Clark and Jan in the first scene...yep, Marcia's wearing a dress. And there you have it - Clark Tyson is a leg man.
As Clark lavishes attention on Jan, her fellow Bradys smile warmly at her and at one another. If this moment didn't inspire the scene in Airplane! where everyone smiles warmly at everyone else when the nun is singing to the sick kid, it certainly should have.
Random notes:
Clark is played by Mark Gruner, whose only other noteworthy credit is Mike Brody in Jaws 2. So when he tries to impress women by telling them he's an actor, what do you think he leads with: the hero in a lame sequel, or the MacGuffin for Jan's Big Lie? If it's the former, the conversation probably goes like this:
Mark: You know, I was in Jaws 2.
Attractive Woman: Wow, what was it like working with Steven Spielberg?
Mark: Actually, it was directed by Jeannot Szwarc
AW: Oh, so what was it like working with Richard Dreyfuss?
Mark: Dreyfuss wasn't in the sequel.
AW: Well, what was it like working with Robert Shaw?
Mark: Shark ate him in the first one.
AW: Oh.
Mark: I did have a really nice scene with Lorraine Gary.
AW: Who?
Mark: (long pause) I'm Clark Tyson!!!!
******Opening Title Sequence Watch: I'm betting Sherwood Schwartz got the idea for the 3x3 grid after watching The Hollywood Squares (I'd like Maureen McCormick to block). Also, I've always wondered what it was like to direct the younger kids in this thing. They reshot it a few times over the years, but I'll bet the first time was pretty tough. "Okay Susan, look to your left and smile at your dad. Yes, I know he's not there. You have to pretend. Now look up at your sister...Jan...Good. No, don't look to your right - there's nobody there. You have to trust me on this one."
First aired: November 20, 1970 on ABC
Recently aired: November 11, 2006 on TV Land
Written by: Paul West
Directed by: Irving Moore
I need but type only two words to convey the youthful angst of the middle Brady daughter: George Glass. Seriously, how desperate for validation from your own family do you have to be to invent a boyfriend? It's one thing to create a fictional beau at a slumber party so your friends won't think you're a loser, but does any twelve-year-old kid really think she'll be diminished in the eyes of Mom and Dad because she's not part of a couple? The family issues presented here would make Dr. Phil throw up his hands and say "Ah give up!"
Jan loves Clark Tyson, but one look at Marcia and he forgets Jan is even in the room (oh sure, Clark. Like you have a shot with a fourteen-year-old). After accusing Marcia of trying to steal Clark, Jan convinces herself that she's too ugly have a boyfriend. When Mike and Carol try to comfort her ("You shouldn't feel left out because you don't have a boyfriend." "Sure, you'll have lots of boyfriends!"), she cuts them off and offers up the imaginary George Glass. On second thought, maybe she's not seeking their validation; maybe she she's lying to them about George in order to put an end to their endless stream of platitudes.
Rather than let Jan work through her funk by herself, the Bradys indulge the hell out of her. Alice suggests they give her her birthday presents early. Better yet, says Mike, let's throw her a party! Yes, there's a good life lesson: whenever you're in a bad mood, get your loved ones to hire a caterer and a deejay.
Trying to get to the bottom of Jan's problems, which from what I can tell, would rival most archaeological digs, Carol plies Clark with ice cream for information about Jan's appeal, or lack thereof, to twelve-year-old males. He tells her that "Jan is a good guy." When informed that Jan is actually female, he responds that she doesn't "wear groovy clothes and stuff like that." So when Carol trots out Jan in a dress, he takes notice. Hold on a sec, I need rewind to the part where Marcia walks in on Clark and Jan in the first scene...yep, Marcia's wearing a dress. And there you have it - Clark Tyson is a leg man.
As Clark lavishes attention on Jan, her fellow Bradys smile warmly at her and at one another. If this moment didn't inspire the scene in Airplane! where everyone smiles warmly at everyone else when the nun is singing to the sick kid, it certainly should have.
Random notes:
Clark is played by Mark Gruner, whose only other noteworthy credit is Mike Brody in Jaws 2. So when he tries to impress women by telling them he's an actor, what do you think he leads with: the hero in a lame sequel, or the MacGuffin for Jan's Big Lie? If it's the former, the conversation probably goes like this:
Mark: You know, I was in Jaws 2.
Attractive Woman: Wow, what was it like working with Steven Spielberg?
Mark: Actually, it was directed by Jeannot Szwarc
AW: Oh, so what was it like working with Richard Dreyfuss?
Mark: Dreyfuss wasn't in the sequel.
AW: Well, what was it like working with Robert Shaw?
Mark: Shark ate him in the first one.
AW: Oh.
Mark: I did have a really nice scene with Lorraine Gary.
AW: Who?
Mark: (long pause) I'm Clark Tyson!!!!
******
The first lines of dialogue in this episode are:
Jan: Clark, this map of the United States I'm drawing looks kind of weird.
Clark: (taking a look at the map) It would look better if you hadn't forgotten Baja California.
Jan: Clark, this map of the United States I'm drawing looks kind of weird.
Clark: (taking a look at the map) It would look better if you hadn't forgotten Baja California.
Jan: Yeah, I guess that would help.
Huh? Does The Brady Bunch take place in some disrupted time-space continuum in which Marty McFly helped negotiate the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo and somehow netted the U.S. an extra few thousand square miles? Or is Jan so taken with Clark that she lets his geographic gaffe slide, rather than say "Baja California?! Are you serious? That's in Mexico, you idiot! Oh, Marcia, I'm glad you're here. This is Clark. You're conceited and he's an idiot. I'm sure you'll get along just fine."
Huh? Does The Brady Bunch take place in some disrupted time-space continuum in which Marty McFly helped negotiate the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo and somehow netted the U.S. an extra few thousand square miles? Or is Jan so taken with Clark that she lets his geographic gaffe slide, rather than say "Baja California?! Are you serious? That's in Mexico, you idiot! Oh, Marcia, I'm glad you're here. This is Clark. You're conceited and he's an idiot. I'm sure you'll get along just fine."
******
Jan asks the operator to ring the Bradys' phone number so she can pretend it's George calling. Because the writers did not give the Bradys a 555 prefix, the first and last digits have been edited out of the audio. Hence, Jan says "operator, were having trouble with our phone. Could you call _62-079_ ." Obviously the powers that be did not want an "867-5309 Jenny"-type fiasco on their hands.
******
